eunitoones.

a masked multitasker.

after days and days of nightmares, sleeping with one eye open, bedlamp on, body head-to-toe covered with blankets in the heat.. i had the most breathtakingly perfect dream. it seemed so real, all of it. i woke up thinking that it was and remembered what it felt like to be filled with happiness. i felt free of this weight of bottling things up, i felt so safe. 

keeping me on my toes and sweeping me off of my feet all at the same time.. even in my dreams.. it was good to see you again. even if it wasn’t reality.

“This life is what you make it. No matter what, you’re going to mess up sometimes, it’s a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you’re going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends - they’ll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, somg go. The ones that stay with you through everything - they’re your true best friends. Don’t let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well, they’ll come and go too. And babe, I hate to say it, most of them - actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can’t give up because if you give up, you’ll never find your soul mate. You’ll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn’t mean you’re gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don’t, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life’s a beautiful thing and there’s so much to smile about.”

marilyn monroe.

Shoulbemondaythingsbutarefridaythings.

Got in trouble for the first time at work. It’s raining outside. My music is sad. I don’t like how you’re talking to me. I don’t like what you’re saying about my family.

I don’t know.. Im just so sad lately.. What the fudge.

just some thoughts leading into june..

got my permit renewed today.

just wish there was a time for me to take my license test that wasn’t hours away.. and that was within the next 2 weeks. seems like driving these days is the only thing that can set me free. writing doesn’t cut it anymore.

i’m glad i at least finalized some decisions and got some things done.

work has taught me more responsibility than my entire freshman year of college at syracuse has. 

i’ve watched at least 3 episodes of oth every single night for the past month.. i should go to sleep soon. been tryna sleep for about an hour now.. gotta wake up early tomorrow. thinking about making some changes in my life. so many options, so many changes. room, education, health, appearance. almost everything. does this mean i’m growing, or that i actually hate who i’ve become so much?

blah blah blah, so much thinking.. i’m just so darn tired. 

i miss a lotta things. people. memories. support. being here brings back a lot of what i left behind, what i let go.

i’m just glad i have my brother here to catch me at a time like this. i know you’ll never read this, and i know we don’t talk about everything in our lives, but you’re amazing. thanks for fighting for the best qualities in me, even if i’m really stubborn when we argue hehe. sucks that you have to leave so soon, but i’m glad i at least got to spend some time with you.. even if you didn’t come here for me muahaha. it took me a while to fully believe you when you said that you were just a phone call away, but it’s the action you follow through with that makes me not as hesitant to let you take care of me. thank you for allowing me to trust you, big brother. you have been one of a few reasons these days that i have been able to thank God for. and i really need that right now..